Recently I’ve been having a lot of dreams related to being a child. In particular, dreams about things that I found scary or uncomfortable as a child. Stuff like ‘scary’ kids tv shows or shows that used to freak me out.
I was quite a scaredy-cat kid, easily controlled by emotions. I was quick to get scared or upset. I’m still quick to get scared, in a way (I really do not like ‘scary’ horror or freaky things; they fuck with my mind too much, make me paranoid, etc), but interestingly emotions are now rare and easily identifiable and controllable. Maybe that’s just growing up…
Anyway, another thing I’ve noticed is that the other dreams that I’ve been having have had clear narratives and easily identifiable meanings. Side note – Dreams are our brains’ way of processing information and emotions from the day, so it makes sense that they have some substance to them.
These observations both might be my tendency to overanalyse and overthink, or the innate human tendency to search for meaning in things, but I think there’s some valuable information here.
Specifically, I believe that being a month into NoFap hard mode, my brain is starting to heal and work through past trauma. I use the word ‘trauma’ loosely – here it means uncomfortable past experiences that haven’t been worked through or processed properly.
A lot of people report similar findings when recovering from addiction. And as a result, I’m working through past emotional trauma from when I was a child. That’s the theory.
Dreams are our brain’s way of processing emotions; my dreams have been my unconscious mind dealing with past emotional trauma.
Porn, masturbation, and the constant dopamine of PMO essentially numb our brains and prevent proper, healthy brain function. It stops us from working through trauma.
So when considering over a decade of porn usage, that’s more than 10 years of not being able to work through emotional problems… It’s easy to believe that the trauma that should have been dealt with long ago is only now being processed.
Processing trauma and the NoFap flatline
I’ve recently been in the flatline, possibly having now left it, and one core factor of the flatline is that it’s the time when your brain starts to heal.
Prior to the flatline, and even during, I wasn’t experiencing dreams like previously mentioned. I believe my brain was initially coping with the deprival of unhealthy dopamine, the removal of porn and masturbation, before healing. That deprival is the flatline; your brain is no longer getting flooded with dopamine, so you’re less motivated, have a lower mood, and experience lower sexual interest & arousal.
Perhaps the NoFap flatline and the time after the flatline is when this trauma is healed. It makes sense on a neurological level – the previously used PMO pathways are no longer active, and new, healthier pathways are being created.
Neuroplasticity is actively happening; this is the prime time for the brain to process baggage that we’ve been holding onto for our entire time using porn.
And that’s how we experience mental and emotional healing from NoFap – we go through the flatline, let our brains physically rewire and heal, which allows for mental and emotional healing.
Loneliness and depression
I’m not sure if related to the healing, but around the time of writing this post, I experienced deep loneliness and depression for the first (and so far, only) time in my life. It may be unrelated, but with all the changes that were happening in my brain around this time, I find it likely that there’s a connection.
Speculating on this, my brain would have been most vulnerable while healing and rewiring. It would also be more susceptible to ideas – it’s literally rewiring itself and forming new connections. When you then add narratives like “I’m lonely” or “I’m depressed” to this state, and affirm that externally through examples or ideas – however tenuous they may be – it would make sense that those ideas would stick.
As such, I recommend that anyone attempting to seriously heal from NoFap, particularly those who have a history with mental health problems, should be in a good place in their mind and their lives before attempting 90 days of hard mode. Or, at the very least, be on guard and vigilant for potentially negative thoughts around the time of your flatline – and stop those thoughts before they gain traction.
For those interested in how I later overcame loneliness and depression, I did these three things:
- Took back control of my life wherever possible, removing uncertainty
- Ensured I was consistent with positive habits (exercise, meditation, eating well, sleeping well, etc)
- Started actively building a social life
And while getting yourself to do these things while in that state is extremely difficult, you kinda just have to. The alternative is continuing to feel like that, and feeling like that fucking sucks. So, baby steps.
Of course, this is all theory. I’ve no evidence but my own experience combined with reflection and past research to back this up. The intention here is to make you aware of how and when trauma is being processed while on NoFap.
I hope this was useful, and helped you understand your own healing better. Stick with it bro; you will beat the Porn Demon. I did, so you can too.
Until next time, stay strong. WAGMI.